Just another Average Day
by Shadow's Echo
Summary: Just another average day in the lives of Mulder and Scully. Sure, Mulder is weird, even childish. Sure, Scully hates it. But really, isn't that all that matters?
1. Average Day No 1

Title: Just another Average Day

Author: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-files or anything. I do own any character's not on the X-files and the plot, so if you want to use any of that, you better be askin' first.

Chapter 1 – Average Day No. 1

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Scully walked in the office. It had been a usual morning. She got ready for work. Chose the dress suit she thought complimented her the most. She applied her make-up with intense precision. She got in her car, and now here she was, at work, again. What a downfall of a beautiful morning. Little did she know what awaited her. She paused as she stepped in. She needed to take the sight in.

Mulder was sitting in his chair, looking out towards the middle of the room. This would not have been strange, had he not had a wastebasket with eye holes on his head. She didn't not question it, merely walked to him and stared him right in the eye. Once he realized she was there, he suddenly became extremely embarrassed and slowly removed the wastebasket looking at the floor.

"Looking for something?" She asked as she walked over to her 'space'.

This was his time for a comeback. "Yes. I can't seem to find my…uh…" He was at a loss. He needed something quick. He slid his post-it notes on the floor. "…post-it notes." Good cover. She'll never catch on. He had neglected, however, to note that she was staring at him the whole time. Maybe if he didn't acknowledge it…

"Mulder, I was watching you the whole time. You just pushed your post-its on the floor." She was not that stupid.

"Well, I was looking for my blue post-its."

"You've never had blue post-its." She was not that stupid either.

"I bought them this morning."

"Why the hell would you go and buy blue post-its at 7:30 in the morning?"

"I…don't…know." Clearly this was going nowhere. Maybe he could distract her. "Look!" He pointed out to what should've been the hallway, but instead was the door. Why did she always close it? He liked it open for just such and occasion as this. He needed it open. That damn door always being closed pissed him off. Sure, it was a nice door, but still, couldn't—

"Mulder!"

"What!"

"Did you honestly think you could distract me with the door?" He thought to himself, _did_ he actually think that? Clearly he got distracted by the door, why couldn't she?

"Yes." What makes her so much better that she can't get distracted by the door? "Why, do you think you are better than me?"

She wasn't even sure why she was talking to him. She also wasn't sure why he came to that conclusion either. He was probably never going to explain himself so she figured she'd just get it over with.

"Yes, I do think I'm better than you," she said.

"Oh." He looked convinced. He was glad she wouldn't bring the subject up anymore. He had gotten around another embarrassing scenario. He noted to himself for the third time that week that he should probably stop pretending to land on the moon in the office. Scully kept catching him because he kept forgetting she has a key. It's not like his apartment. Oh yeah, he could play moon-landing there all night.

It was then he realized he had a case for her. But he decided to wait to talk about it. Things were awkward enough already. Plus it wasn't important. Most cases weren't. He could always just forget about it, file it, and just say he checked it out when he actually didn't. Scully would back him up. Skinner would never know. It was an ingenius plan.

"Mulder, is that a new case?" Scully asked him. Damn she was smart. How did she know? Oh yeah, he was holding it in his hand.

"Ye-es?"

"What's it about?" She said walking up to him to see it. He hid it behind his back.

"Nothing. I have a plan, let's just not check this out and tell Skinner we did. You write an intelligent report that debunks everything I say in my outlandish, inconclusive report. No one will be able to tell the difference." It was true. She looked like she was buying it.

"Mulder, are you a complete idiot? I know that's what happens anyway, but we are being paid to do our job. Besides I'd rather be out solving some outrageous case about aliens and government conspiracies than sitting here staring at you making a fool of yourself."

"Do I not make a fool of myself while working on cases too?"

"True, but I have the option of staring at something else."

"Touche." She had him there. There really was nothing else to stare at in the office. Except maybe the door. It was a really nice door after all. It kept Skinner out, so it had to be. Anything that keeps Skinner out is—

"Mulder!"

"What?"

"Why where you staring at the door?"

"I just…um…well…the case is about some giant squirrels wearing spandex…"

"What?"

He shook his head. "Oh, sorry, I was just looking at my computer and someone sent me an e-mail about giant squirrels wearing spandex. The case all started with a dog breathing fire."

"Please tell me you were reading another e-mail."

"Well, no. It actually did. But it's really rather irrelevant to the case. Anyway. These kids were being idiots like the guys on that one TV show that I can't say because I will get sued by some network. Anyway, they were taping themselves, thinking they were awesome and made their dog breath fire. You know, with beer and stuff. So anyway—"

"Mulder, this sounds stupid."

"Oh, it is. But that's not even the best part."

"What is?"

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_A/N: HAHA! A cliff-hanger! Yes. I do write humor too. I love writing dry stupid humor that you others with dry stupid humor like to read! Please review. I want to know that someone is reading my crap. However I will not shoot you if you don't._


	2. Average Day No 1 and a half

Title: Just another Average Day

Author: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-files or anything. I do own any character's not on the X-files and the plot, so if you want to use any of that, you better be askin' first.

Chapter 2 – Average Day No. 1 ½

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"Mulder! What is the weirdest part! Stop looking at the giant squirrels in spandex!" Scully screamed at Mulder for the third time. He had virtually stopped mid-explanation to look at his e-mail.

"Oh! Sorry. It's just so…alluring. I mean, look at them. Squirrels. In Spandex. And better yet, they are GIANT!" He held out his hands as though he was measuring a giant squirrel. She pulled his hands down.

"Mulder. The case. The case is important. The squirrels can wait."

"But…I…" He sighed. "Fine. Anyway, the dog breathed fire, and it was a fun time. So one of the guys, who was obviously stoned, somehow thought the dog could be used as a rocket. He proceeded to sit on the dog, and tried to make it breath fire right off the side of a cliff. Not a very high cliff however. Anyway, he hit the bottom and died. Funny thing was when they went to find him, the dog was there, dead, and the guy was completely, well, ridden with flies and slightly decomposed."

"Mulder, this sounds oddly familiar. And stupid. Let's do what you said and forget the case."

"No. Now after discussing it with you I want to go. I want to see this video. I have to. My life depends on it."

Scully's eyebrow went straight up. "You just want to see the video. You don't even care about the dead guy or his family."

"Of course. Duh, Scully. When have I ever cared about the people? I just wanna see the damn tape of the dog breathing fire." She stared at him. He really was an idiot. This was all he was here for, humor. It made complete sense now.

"I hate you, Mulder."

"Do I honestly care?" He wasn't really sure. He was pretty sure he didn't.

"Yes." Oh. He did. Why wasn't he made aware of this earlier?

"Oh, okay. Wait. That means that hurts. Ow." Scully sighed.

"Not physical pain. Emotional pain. Try again." He was confused. He could've sworn they were the same thing. They had always been to him.

"I'm…not…quite…sure…" His face contorted. Scully could tell the effort he was putting in to trying to feel emotional pain.

"Give it up. I know you're trying. Just stop. It hurts me just watching this."

"Why does it hurt you?"

"It hurts to know you have a degree in psychology and you were one of the best students at Oxford and Quantico and you have no idea what emotional pain is."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense." He wasn't sure why she knew much about emotional pain, while he knew so little. If he couldn't feel it then it must not be _that_ common. What made her so special that she could feel it. She thought she was better than him and she WAS. That angered him more. He stood up and punched her.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" She said, holding her now bleeding nose.

"You are not better than me!" Mulder ran out the door crying like a little girl. Scully rolled her eyes and reached for a Kleenex. It wasn't bleeding that bad. Besides she had an idiot running around the halls to rescue and interrogate. God, his reaction time was slow.

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_A/N: I hope you all enjoyed that chapter as much as I did. I'm planning on much more if you all want it. Please review my tasty little readers. And thank you to the one reviewer I had. You are the best._


	3. Average Day No 2

Title: Just another Average Day

Author: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-files or anything. I do own any character's not on the X-files and the plot, so if you want to use any of that, you better be askin' first.

Chapter 3 – Average Day No. 2

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They were on the road the next day. Mulder had pretty much forgiven Scully for her supposed 'thinking she is better than him' thing. She barely knew where she was going. All she knew was 'Airport! Airport! Yay, the airport!' because that's all Mulder had told her. She had tried to get more out of him, but once he goes airport, he never goes back.

Once on the plane, Mulder could not stop bouncing. He loved planes. She hated them with an unrivaled passion. She hated them even more because he loved them so much. Every time they went he'd run off in the terminal and would barely make their flight, if at all. Then she would try to buckle him in while he leaned as close to the window as possible, no matter where he was sitting, and bounced. Yes. She HATED them.

They landed at a small airstrip on the outskirts of…Maryland?

"MULDER!"

"What?" He said as he retrieved his carry-on from the overhead compartment.

"WE JUST WENT TO MARYLAND!" She was extremely angry now. "WE COULD'VE DRIVEN HERE FOR LESS! WHY DO THEY EVEN HAVE A PLANE GO HERE FROM D.C.?"

"For us business class folk, Scully. Duh," he said matter-of-factly. Scully growled. She wasn't even sure if there WERE cliffs in Maryland for this guy to fall off of. This whole case better be worth all this idiocy. They found their bags and rented a car, which was again stupid because their car was not even a half-hour away at a different airport. They drove to the crime scene right away. Hey, there were cliffs in Maryland.

The crime scene was all but obliterated. There was nothing to see. The idiots who had done all this had buried the dog where he had died, which was really stupid because it was on the coastline, and it was amazing it hadn't even been washed away already. Scully could just see little kids playing in the sand and this dead rotting dog suddenly appears. Yeah. That was creepy and funny at the same time.

"Think we should dig him up?" Mulder asked.

"Um…no. I really don't care and the dog has little if any importance to the other kid's death." Mulder pouted slightly. "No, Mulder. Don't be stupid." He stomped in the sand. "No."

"Fine! I don't want to be your friend then!" He cried and ran back to the car. Scully had had about enough of it, so she stayed to further inspect the crime scene. She thought she would let him calm down in the car for a while. He didn't deserve this trip as it was and if he was going to act up he could just enjoy it whimpering in the back of the car. She found very little and wound up going back to the car five minutes later. Mulder was now nearly naked running for the water. He was losing more clothing as he went. Oh, no. Scully didn't want to see that much Mulder.

"Mulder! You bastard! COME BACK HERE! YOU'LL GET THE RENTAL ALL WET!" He immediately stopped and looked back. He was down to his boxers by that point. But he didn't want to get the rental all wet. That wasn't nice at all. He hung his head and walked back to the car, not even bothering to gather his clothes. He sat in the driver's seat and started the car. Scully sighed. She ran out and grabbed every piece of clothing he was now lacking and got into the passenger seat. She held up his clothes for him to put on, but he put his hand up and shook his head. She rolled her eyes and sat them in her lap. They went to the nearest hotel and Mulder said he'd go in, even through Scully's insistence that she should. He would hear none of it and went in, obviously boxer clad. She just rolled her eyes again. She heard a slight scream and five minutes later Mulder walked calmly out to the car.

"Here. I got us rooms on the top floor." Scully confusedly accepted the key he held out to her.

"Mulder, there's only one floor." He smiled excitedly.

"Yeah, I know. Isn't it great? That means every room is on the top floor!" He ran to his door and let himself in, not bothering to close the door before jumping on the bed in his undies. She sighed and walked to her own room. She closed the door and smiled, then leapt onto the bed and started jumping herself. Mulder opened the door between the rooms, somehow by himself and ran into Scully's room. "These beds are extra-bouncy!"

Scully nodded, then rethought the whole situation. Sure, the beds were fun to jump on, but how many disgusting things had touched the very sheets she would be sleeping on that night? This was just like any other seedy hotel in the nation. If it had less than five stars you couldn't trust touching a thing. And she knew very well that that hotel was three stars. She winced in disgust. She climbed down from the bed and peeled up the blankets and started inspecting the sheets. They appeared clean, but she knew better. So many germs, so much sperm, so much…everything…was probably on those dreaded sheets. Suddenly Mulder ran in and launched her into the nasty sheets. She screamed.

"What?" Mulder asked confused, as he cuddled in her blankets.

"Do you know what has probably touched those sheets!" He looked at the sheets.

"Probably the same things that have touched mine?" Scully rethought this and decided he was right. She then decided if she had touched his sheets, then these would be okay, although she didn't remember ever touching his sheets. Oh, well. It made her feel better. She pretended she had at one time. She shooed him to his room and shut the door. She knew it wouldn't keep him out for long so she quickly resumed her private bed-jumping. Night was approaching. She was chosen as the watchman of the herd. She would have to stay up and make sure no vicious animals came about to threaten her existence. And she also knew that all work and no play makes Scully a dull…boy.

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_A/N: I hope you choose to review. I know I'm really enjoying this story. I'm sorry if you didn't understand the whole 'watchman of the herd' thing. I really didn't either. I just thought for a second that she would make a cool jungle animal and she needed to get her yaya's out before she went back to 'work'._


	4. Average Day No 3

Title: Just another Average Day

Author: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-files or anything. I do own any character's not on the X-files and the plot, so if you want to use any of that, you better be askin' first.

Chapter 4 – Average Day No. 3

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Scully's night-watching didn't quite go as planned. She fell asleep around 11:00 and neglected to set the alarm. She woke up to Mulder crawling around underneath her blankets whimpering. She was alarmed at first, but when she realized he meant no harm she relaxed.

"Mulder?" What are you doing?" She saw his head fly up.

"Scully?"

"Yeah?"

"Where am I?" His voice cracked a little. He started whimpering and thrashing more.

"Mulder. MULDER!" She said trying to grab the ever-moving ball of idiot. "YOU'RE UNDER MY BLANKETS!" He stopped.

"Oh." He started thrashing again. "AHH! I'M STUCK! I CAN'T SEE! HOW DO I GET OUT?" She rolled her eyes and tried to grab him some more. She finally just ended ripping the blankets off the bed and found Mulder completely clothed in his suit and ready to go.

"What the…?" She stared at him with her head all cockeyed. He looked down and smiled.

"Oh yeah. I am dressed." He giggled a little. She wasn't even going to ask any questions. She didn't want to know why he was under her blankets in a suit. She didn't want to know when he got there or how either. This was one X-file she didn't really want solved. She knew it would just confuse and upset her. "Let's get going," he said, flying out of her bed towards the door.

"Mulder, I'm not even showered or dressed. Let me get ready first."

"Is this not your usual dress?" He asked, pointing to her pajamas. She furrowed her brow in confusion. Was he serious? How was he even made an FBI agent? He didn't even pay attention to detail at all.

"No…I usually dress up a little." She figured that shouldn't confuse him. He nodded and sat down. She started getting ready and about an hour later they were on their way to the guys' homes. Or as Mulder called it, 'Yay, interrogation time!'

The guys all had a home together and when they opened the door Scully could tell it was definitely a multi-bachelor pad. There were pizza boxes and beer cans everywhere. It smelled like literal shit. Yeah, guys are so graceful.

"Um, hello?" one guy asked as he held the door open.

"Hello I'm Special Agent Dana Scully and this..." She looked over to find a missing Mulder. She looked around and spotted him already inside watching the tape with the dog breathing fire. He was bouncing up and down, as were the other two guys beside him. She hadn't even seen him go in. How was that even possible? She pointed. "...That is Special Agent Fox Mulder. Please excuse his...stupidity." The guy nodded.

"I'm Kyle. And those idiots..." He pointed at the guys sitting beside Mulder. "...Are Jason and Andy." He opened the door for her to enter. "So I suppose you guys are here because of Q."

"Q?"

"Quentin. We called him Q. The dog's name was...uh...Skankpile, may he rest in peace." Kyle crossed himself and in response Jason and Andy shouted 'Skankpile!' and crossed themselves too. "We usually called him Skanky."

"What a...um...charming name." Mulder turned around to face Scully.

"I liked it!" He shouted. Andy gave him a high five.

"You would," Scully said not quite enough under her breath. All the guys started yelling and laughing at the little dog on the TV breathing fire. "So, Kyle, could you tell me what happened?"

"Why don't you just watch the tape and see for yourself." He pointed towards the TV. She walked over and watched as it flashed from the dog breathing fire to a guy's face really close to camera. He started explaining how he wanted to make a 'doggy rocket' right off the cliff. The other guys laughed. They attached the Labrador to a skate board. The dog was rather strong looking and did appear that it would have no problem holding up a person. They faced the dog opposite the cliff and Q put on a helmet and knee and elbow pads. Scully thought to herself sarcastically, I bet they are real sticklers for safety. They wheeled the dog closer to the edge and Q climbed on. The dog had no problem with any of it. They proceeded to make the dog breathe fire again and when nothing happened Kyle ran up and gave Q a little push, obviously jokingly. He didn't go off the edge, but then he started laughing and used the dog like a scooter and pushed himself off. He was laughing until the dog started to teeter on the edge, and at that point he had appeared to lose control. The guys all ran to the edge and one yelled to turn off the camera and it went to black. Scully looked over at Kyle. He had a tear in his eye, but he was really fighting it.

"I'm sorry," Scully said.

"Man, I really miss Skanky." Scully was confused by this. She figured he'd miss Q. Yeah, this was Mulder's kind of people.

"Me too," Mulder said and crossed himself. The other guys did the same. Oh, yeah, they were definitely his kind of people. They had accepted him already. Maybe he could just stay there for the rest of his life...as far away from Scully as possible. But who would she debunk then? Herself. Oh no. Mulder needed to come back with her. She grabbed him by his ear and dragged him out the door. After she got the tape of course. She thanked the guys for their time and told them she'd probably be back. They were too heartbroken over the death of their dog to give her any coherent answers to her difficult questions. They went back to the hotel and Mulder watched the tape over an over. Scully thought he was going over the accident and actually doing his job, but then she realized he was just continuously watching the dog breathing fire and she took the tape out of his possession. She was glad she didn't have to watch over the herd that night. She could finally get some sleep. Of course it was only noon, but they like to waste time sitting around the hotel getting paid.

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_A/N: I hope that suited all of your needs. There will be much more to come, I'm sure. I know where it's going now, so this should be fun._


	5. Average Day No 4

Title: Just another Average Day

Author: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-files or anything. I do own any character's not on the X-files and the plot, so if you want to use any of that, you better be askin' first.

Chapter 5 – Average Day No. 4

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Mulder woke up the next morning he had stayed up all night watching the movie. He knew Scully would sleep that night so it was easy to get it. She had locked the door between the two rooms, but that's always easy to break into with a lock pick. Scully clearly didn't remember that all FBI agents are issued a lock pick. Well, he was anyway. He knew however when Scully walked into his room with angry look on her face, that he had done a bad thing.

"Mulder," Scully said much like a mother would to a child that knew they had done something wrong. Mulder hung his head like he was being scolded for doing something that he knew was wrong.

"Yes?" He said innocently.

"Where's the tape?"

"I don't know." He looked around, obviously avoiding her eyes.

"Mulder. I know you have it."

"Doesn't mean I know where it is!" He ran to his bed and flew under the covers. Scully stomped her foot.

"MULDER! WHERE IS IT BEFORE I DESTROY YOU!" He poked a finger out of the blankets and pointed at the nightstand. What a dumb hiding place. She could've found it without asking. She opened the drawer and it was right on top. She grabbed it and slammed the drawer shut, hiding it in her own room. "Alright, Mulder, let's go." She turned around and he was right behind her, ready to go. She jumped slightly then realized that was actually a pretty normal occurrence.

They headed to the local police who appeared to be used to Kyle and friend's shenanigans. They said they had always caused a lot of problems and they were pretty much just waiting for something like this to happen. They met with the original detective on the case, Detective Jamie Jamison. He was a young kid, fairly new, and Scully was pretty sure that when he had seen the dead body he had probably puked his guts out. Scully laughed at this. Men are so weak sometimes.

"They called us down, they said they hadn't touched the body, and they had gotten to the bottom of the cliff about five minutes after Q fell off," Jamie said. Scully was amazed that he too even called him Q. "They said the body was badly decomposed already, and by the time we got there, it was well...nearly completely decomposed. Sure the saltwater and heat take it's toll on a dead body, but not like that. And like they probably told you, the dog wasn't decomposed at all, which is obviously normal. It had only been a half hour. The body temperature should've still been normal still. Yeah, it was weird."

"We hear that a lot with our cases," Scully said. Mulder just stared at the detective like he was listening, although he really wasn't.

"Rapid decomp?" Scully rolled her eyes.

"No...weirdness."

"...Oh." Jamie wasn't much smarter than Mulder. Wait, he wasn't smarter than Mulder at all. She could tell that Mulder actually understood that one because of the dumb look on his face showing pride. When he understood something, he was always proud and he wasn't good at hiding it.

"I got that one!" He looked at Scully for approval. No, he didn't hide it well at all. "Dumbass," He said looking at Jamie. Jamie lowered his head in sadness. "Owned." He lowered his head further.

"Mulder, don't pick on him. He's the one that called you in here. He's the reason you even got to see that tape. You should be thankful to him." Mulder looked at Jamie.

"Oh right. Sorry, man. I owe you one. Thanks." And immediately Jamie became bashful. Mulder would do just about anything you told him, if he understood that is.

"So his death really isn't a mystery at all. It's obvious it was an accident. It just the dead body we have a problem with," Scully said. Jamie and Mulder nodded. "Well that's kind of stupid. I mean, the guys dead and we know why. Why even bother to figure this out? It's not like it effected his living." Mulder and Jamie's jaws dropped and they just stared at Scully.

"Seriously? You think that?" Mulder asked.

"Well yeah, this is stupid."

"But...but...the..."

"What?"

"But the tape! The tape, Scully! The tape!"

"What about it?"

"THE DOG IS BREATHING FIRE!"

"So?"

"SO! THAT'S AMAZING!"

"IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DEATH!"

"It does with the dog's death," Mulder pointed out. He made a good point, but that wasn't why they were there. Scully sighed.

"Fine. Goddamnit."

"WOO HOO!" Mulder started doing a dance of joy. Jamie slowly joined in. He wasn't sure why he was dancing with Mulder, but it seemed like fun. It creeped Scully out however.

"Stop it. Stop your gloating. We're staying here to figure this out and then we are leaving, got it?" Mulder nodded excitedly. Scully rolled her eyes, yet again for like the 30th time in the story because the author can think of nothing better for her to do to show annoyance. This was going to be a long day. Scully could tell.

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_A/N: This is the second story I've updated tonight! YAY! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Next will hopefully be soon. I love writing this one because you love reading it! Review please!_


	6. Average Day No 4 and a half

Title: Just another Average Day

Author: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-files or anything. I do own any character's not on the X-files and the plot, so if you want to use any of that, you better be askin' first.

Chapter 6 – Average Day No. 4 ½

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Mulder and Scully left the police station with Jamie. He wanted to take them to the crime scene again, even though Scully had insisted that they had been there and she already knew there was nothing to see. But Jamie insisted and Scully figured she was getting paid for it anyway. She didn't really want to look at the body anyway. She didn't really care. She was pretty sure at this point that Jamie just wanted to be around Mulder because he wanted him or something.

Once they got there Jamie pointed out the dog's grave, which Scully already knew about. Then he pointed to where the body had been. Scully pretended to investigate. She put some sand in an evidence bag and shoved it into her pocket. Jamie started to talk about the cliff and pointed at it. Scully thought at that point it would be fun to pretend she was deaf so she shut off her hearing and just started at Jamie and nodded every now and then. She followed him back to his car and turned her hearing back on so she would know where they were going then. She laughed to herself. She was now the master of selective hearing and Mulder wasn't. Awesome.

"Let's take a break. It's getting toward lunch. How 'bout a doughnut shop?" Jamie asked. Scully shook her head no, but Mulder nodded excitedly. Jamie looked at him and nodded excitedly too. Looks like she had no choice. When they got to Granny's Yummy Doughnuts of Delight Mulder ordered a jelly doughnut. Scully knew this would be trouble. He always had a problem with eating them. She was right of course. When he opened up his mouth to take a bite instantly all of the jelly fell out the other end.

"Uh oh," he said as he looked at his lap. He never used napkins and he was too stupid to eat it over the plate. He looked at Scully with a tear in his eye. She wasn't sure if he was sad for losing all the jelly or because he spilled it all over his pants. She was never sure. It happened every time...and she still didn't know. He looked at his doughnut and started to cry. He ran out to the car, dropping his doughnut and dripping jelly on the way. Good he could just pout in the car some more. Jamie looked upset.

"Something wrong, Jamie?" Scully asked.

"He dropped his doughnut. Poor little thing." He got up and scooped up the doughnut with a napkin. He dropped in the wastebasket as if that was it's proper burial and returned to his seat across from Scully. "So, what do you think about this case?"

"I already said. It's stupid. I want to go home."

"Oh. Well, I was hoping for theories."

"Let's see...my theory is...this case is stupid. I want to go home."

"Fair enough." He looked out the window to Mulder sitting in the car. "You think he's got any other theories?"

"I know he's got other theories. Go talk to him. It'll be a good time I promise." Jamie lit up.

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. He'll be full of them. Go pry them out." Jamie nodded and ran to the car. Thank God she was rid of them for thirty seconds. She then realized she was bored and curious so she went out the car too.

"I think that it was possibly caused by aliens. Or maybe elbow licking," she caught Mulder saying as she entered the car.

"Mulder, please tell me that you don't believe this is caused by elbow licking," Scully said.

"Well, the guys said that he was weird because he could lick his elbow and most normal people can't. I believe that perhaps because he can lick his elbow he decomposes faster than normal people."

"Why the hell would you think that? What would elbow licking have to do with decomposition!"

"Nothing. But if he is not a normal person maybe he is not a normal dead person either." Scully stared at him in disbelief.

"You're an idiot."

"Why are you so mean?"

"I'm not. I'm telling the truth. Can we please go back to the hotel now?"

"Why, it's only one in the afternoon?" Jamie said.

"I know. I want to contemplate my life. Please?" Jamie nodded. He dropped them off at the police department so they could take their car back. When they got back Scully immediately tried to hole herself in her room, but Mulder would have none of it. He had retrieved a stapler and was shooting them at Scully and saying what appeared to be a magic spell.

"Mulder. What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to extract the evil demons from you."

"With a stapler?"

"A _magic_ stapler," he corrected her.

"Right. Whatever. Is it working."

"No. Maybe if you called of the flying pigs that guard you it would." Scully looked around. She saw no flying pigs. She shook her head and just decided to go along with it.

"Ok. They are called off." The faster he went away the better. If this was what it took, so be it.

"There. The evil demons are extracted. Now I shall put them into myself and rule all. Mwahahahaha!" Scully blinked.

"Ok, you have fun. Now go away."

"No. Now that I have your demons I can read your dream waves."

"What are dream waves?" Mulder looked confused.

"What are you talking about? Sometimes you are dumb Scully." He sighed and went to his room. She quietly thanked God that he had left.

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_A/N: That was fun. And more confusing and stupid. Please review my tasty ones._


	7. Average Day No 4 and 3 4ths

Title: Just another Average Day

Author: Shadow's Echo (also known as Cindy from CindyandSandy)

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-files or anything. I do own any character's not on the X-files and the plot, so if you want to use any of that, you better be askin' first.

Chapter 7 – Average Day No. 4 3/4

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The morgue called Scully up that night around 8:00. She was immediately angry because it would do little to look at some kids composed corpse when she didn't even care. She decided that she would just pretend that she cared and stare at the body for a while. Who knows, maybe she would find something cool, like keys in his stomach. She always liked finding objects in people. She knew that it had to be painful. She smiled.

She had hoped to leave without Mulder noticing, but when she went out to the car he was already sitting in the driver's seat. She got a confused look on her face as she approached the car and climbed into the passenger seat. She looked over at him as she shut the door.

"Mulder? What are you doing out here?" She asked. He stared ahead, unblinking.

"I'm watching." He answered.

"What exactly are you watching? You can only see our doors because they are RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!" She found that strangely obvious that he could see nothing else. I mean, all you need are eyes to know that there is merely a wall and two doors there. But they would have to be working eyes. If you were blind that wouldn't work so well. Well, I guess you could just have one working eye. You really don't have to have two of them to see a wall there.

"I'm keeping watch, Scully." He looked at her finally. "For the herd," he said quietly. He pouted. She realized that he just wanted to be like her. It was cute in a creepy grown up way.

"Aww, that's sweet. But that's my mom's job tonight. It's my herd. My family. You aren't involved, stupid," she said lovingly.

"Oh." He looked down and she saw a tear slide down his nose.

"Mulder, get out." She pushed him slightly. He looked up at her all sad. "No. Get out." She pushed him again. He grudgingly opened the door and got out of the car. She slid over and drove away. He was left to only his tears and the cold night air. What? Were you expecting her to be nice and say, 'but you can watch tonight too, I guess' or 'We accept you though'? Hell no. This is Scully we are talking about here. What is wrong with you?

Scully drove to the morgue like a mad woman. Both because she was a woman and because she was mad. Once she got there she put on her dead body inspecting garb and walked into the bright autopsy room. The body lay on the cold autopsy bed. She looked around. It was all autopsy-y. She looked at what was basically bones now. He had only been dead a couple days and already there was nothing left.

She poked the bones and noticed that his upper arm was shorter than regular people's upper arms. Giving proof to the fact that he could probably lick his elbow. One of the parts that remained intact however was a vein that ran from his elbow to the rest of his body. She found this odd because it should've composed with the rest of the body. She poked it and it shrunk up and disintegrated. She looked around. What the hell? She immediately got pissed because Mulder could've been right.

She put the body away after sending in some DNA samples. She wanted to see if there were any abnormalities before she went to Mulder telling him he was right but she didn't believe him anyway.

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_A/N: Sorry that took so long. I've been entertained with my friends and such. Reply my sweet lesbian/men lovers._


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